With Rian Johnson’s killer murder mystery Wake Up Dead Man coming this holiday season, there’s no better time than now to take stock of the characters we’ve met over the last couple outings.
From the cruel to the charming, here’s our ranking! And be sure to check out our Wake Up Dead Man review when you're done here...
20. Jacob Thrombey
Kicking things off is the “alt-right troll dipshit” that is the youngest of the Thrombey clan in the original Knives Out film. I have to give credit to actor Jaeden Martell; I hate this smarmy little punk. He mostly spends the film spewing hate on the Internet with his face buried in his phone and offering the occasional snide comment as he lurks in the background. While he doesn’t get a whole lot else to do beyond that, he really does make your skin crawl whenever he comes into frame.
19. Donna Thrombey
Initially seeming like she might be a nice person in the grand Thrombey scheme, Donna (Riki Lindhome in Knives Out) is actually the one that’s the most hateful of the bunch. Rather than being unaware about her son's awful online activities, she holds the same beliefs that may have even pushed him into that world in the first place; the apple clearly doesn’t fall far from the rotten family tree.
18. Duke Cody
Dave Bautista’s ridiculous character in Glass Onion – the cartoonishly-named Duke Cody – is like the dumbest men’s rights podcaster ever to cast pod, but also actually shredded? Yes, this Twitch streamer is a meathead in the truest sense of the word. Always strapped with a pistol (which is totally not compensating for anything), he's a manbaby casually bringing about the downfall of the world as he postures about being a tough guy while living with his mother. Don’t leave your drink alone with him.
17. Miles Bron
Played by Edward Norton in Glass Onion, this wealthy techbro megalomaniac effectively throws a party for himself just so he can invite the closest people he has to friends and make them worship at his feet. That the gathering is a murder mystery party where he gets ‘fake killed’ offers up a fantasy that, alas, the film never delivers on even as he does get his just deserts by the end. This is another character who wields immense power over the world and yet could not be more insufferable; that Norton instills him with something approaching comedic charm is more than he deserves. He wins for the most punchable face.
16. Linda Drysdale
The eldest child and only daughter of Harlan Thrombey, Jamie Lee Curtis’ Knives Out character is the worst when it comes to the self-centered adults of the family. She’s smarter than the rest of her siblings and all the more terrible because of it; the less the main characters have to deal with her, the better. She's got a fair amount of withering quips here and there that are fun, though it's all a front for her ugly soul. When she begins screaming as everything descends into chaos, it's like nails on a chalkboard. Though her name is Linda, she could just as easily be named Karen. That she uses the word "boinking" seriously is another irredeemable sin.
15. Meg Thrombey
The most human of the Thrombeys, played by Katherine Langford in Knives Out (pictured below on the right with Ana de Armas as Marta, left), soon reveals herself to be the most cruel when she abandons her supposed principles as soon as she is at risk of losing out on the wealth that her family is attempting to cling to. Though she thinks herself better than the rest of her family and postures about how she’s not really as selfish as they are, when push comes to shove, she’s the one that would not just stab you in the back but twist the knife. She makes all the right posts when it comes to social justice, but she’s not-so-secretly a NIMBY who votes against increased access to housing so she doesn’t have to look at the dirty poors.
14. Richard Drysdale
A character that would likely get drunk and proceed to corner you at a party to tell you about how immigrants are ruining the country just before he then tried to steal your wallet, Richard (played by Don Johnson in Knives Out, pictured below on the left with Jamie Lee Curtis as Linda, right) is the worst when it comes to the adult men in the Thrombey family. He’s the type of guy that thinks himself an intellectual as he blabs on and on about his hateful prejudices while expecting everyone to wait on him without talking back. He’s a dangerous combination of arrogant and stupid, continually bumbling his way through situations that he doesn’t understand, yet always messing them up anyway. He’ll quote Hamilton to you with a straight face when he’d be the slave owner in the production. Though he calls his son Ransom a “little shit,” he really ought to look in the mirror. He and his wife Linda truly deserve each other.
13. Birdie Jay
A former model turned self-centered fashion influencer, Birdie (Kate Hudson in Glass Onion) flaunts health regulations during a catastrophic global pandemic and puts everyone around her at risk just so she can throw a party to hide from her own loneliness. Incapable of not posting something hateful online while dubiously claiming she didn’t know what she was saying, she also runs her fashion empire on sweatshop labor and uses her billionaire friend, the aforementioned Miles, to help cover it all up. On top of all that, she makes her hardworking assistant Peg do all the work of ensuring she doesn’t make another mess for herself; Birdie doesn’t deserve Peg or her work.
12. Ransom Drysdale
Though initially absent for most of Knives Out before he makes his grand entrance and turns everything on its head, Ransom (Chris Evans) is one of the most consistently conniving characters in the movie as he tries to enrich himself. He’s as egotistical as he is abrasive, initially winning you over as he has a go at all the family members that have been grating on your nerves up until that point. Still, looks can be deceiving; he may be the greatest threat of them all. He’s a nightmare in so many ways, but a great character you love to hate. And he wears the nicest sweaters of the series, so he’s got that going for him.
11. Claire Debella
A self-serving politician (Glass Onion’s Kathryn Hahn) that’s mostly concerned with her own career rather than actually serving the people, she’s in it for the power and couldn’t care less about anything else. She’s always lashing out at the people around her and is smarter than those like Birdie, but is most concerned about the next time she can be on CNN. The only reason she isn’t higher up on this list is because she’s played by Hahn, who – in addition to being just great fun in everything – plays the drunk version of the character perfectly. It almost makes you think she’d be a great hang that you could get a drink with; almost, but not quite.
10. Walt Thrombey
Michael Shannon is a national treasure, though the character he plays in Knives Out is far from it. At every turn, he’s constantly trying to throw other people under the bus so he never has to earn anything for himself. However, like others in his family, he thinks himself superior and not cruel. Of course, when he goes full mask off about midway through and threatens those who he sees as standing in his way, we find out just how awful he is. Still, he also wears some nice sweaters.
9. Joni Thrombey
A supposedly successful businesswoman who actually runs a sketchy wellness brand known as Goo….I mean Flan, this next member of the Trombeys from Knives Out is more clever in how she positions herself in the family, but she’s just as awful as the rest of the bunch. She’s got more working in her favor in that she’s played by a great Toni Collette, though she’s also not above a little bit of embezzlement as a treat. I wouldn’t recommend investing in her company or buying her products, as you’ll find yourself out of money with a rash that won’t go away before you can even blink.
8. Lionel Toussaint
Oh, how his scientific mind is wasted. This is the Oppenheimer of the Knives Out series (as played by Leslie Odom Jr. in Glass Onion), or at least as close as a character could be to him; one can only wish he used his intelligence for good more consistently than he does. A brilliant fellow who gets taken advantage of and also benefits from working for Miles, he does show some integrity once he understands just how terrible his boss really is, although that realization comes a bit late. With this in mind, he does wear his swanky suits quite well, so he can’t be all bad.
7. Peg
Peg (Jessica Henwick in Glass Onion), I love you and wish you the best once you get away from these nightmarish people, but you also enable Birdie. You may think you’re just doing your job, but you need to go find another one doing work as an assistant for someone – literally anyone – else.
6. Stephen Sondheim
The late American composer behind some of the most wonderful works of music in modern memory, Sondheim is one of the greatest and most brilliant people to have ever lived. What's that you say? He only appears very briefly as himself in a quick scene in Glass Onion and really isn't a major character? Fair enough, but he's such a legend that any list not including him would be one that was incomplete. We all wish we could only leave such a mark as he did in his life.
5. Harlan Thrombey
Perhaps the only person in the Thrombey family from Knives Out who wasn’t totally irredeemable, Harlan is not entirely without flaws, though he does sacrifice for others rather than just take when it counts. He’s funny and self-deprecating just as he is charming and compassionate, with late actor Christopher Plummer giving him some earned grace notes even when he is facing down the end. His final scene, and the way he plays it, is just so perfect that it only becomes more tragic in retrospect. It’s a shame that the rest of his character’s family are so thoroughly awful, but such is life.
4. Lieutenant Elliott
An underrated part of the original Knives Out, LaKeith Stanfield’s investigator gets some of the funniest moments that cut through all the ridiculousness around him. He’s a grounding force in the film that could easily be forgotten if he were not so sharply written and well-performed. When we get to the end, he has some lines that are just so playful, you wish there was more of him. He isn’t the best investigator, but he is a damn great character to have in your film.
3. Helen Brand
The protagonist of Glass Onion, Janelle Monáe’s troubled twin with a heart of gold is what gives the sequel its beating heart. As we come to see in her performance, she is a compassionate sister dealing with loss just as she is desperately trying to get answers that are not so easy to uncover. Even as she is surrounded by a cast of eccentric characters, she never feels secondary to them, with Monáe more than holding her own and providing the emotional core for the madcap mystery she’s thrust into.
2. Marta Cabrera
When she isn’t holding back vomit stemming from her inability to lie, Marta (Knives Out’s Ana de Armas) is the character in this series with some of the most impactful lines and fun bits. She’s both the one person in the Thrombeys’ orbit who isn’t horrible, and the one who sees them more clearly than anyone else. As a more grounded character who must stand tall alongside a rogues’ gallery of repulsive maniacs, Armas’ great performance highlights the critical contrast.
1. Benoit Blanc
The man with a “Kentucky Fried Foghorn Leghorn Drawl” who always gets to the answers that nobody else can quite seem to discover, Daniel Craig’s private investigator – the star of the film series – is an instantly iconic character that we could watch for a dozen movies or more. Though his many quirks may not be everyone’s cup of tea, both Craig and Johnson have shaped them into a character that’s both playfully silly and deceptively emotional. In particular, the third film holds his methods up to the light and reveals a man still finding his place in the world. Though he’s always having a mirthful time despite being surrounded by mayhem and murder, both he and the movies he leads always have much more on their mind.
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