Icy mining magnate Gillian Anderson goes head to head with rebellious rancher Lena Headey in a drama that takes itself so very, very seriously

Angel’s Ridge, Washington Territory, 1854. It’s dusty, there’s a saloon bar, there are horses, an ineffable sense of – I don’t know, let’s call it manifest destiny – about the place, and the only colour settlers have brought with them is sepia. But wait! What’s this? The owner of the local silver mine riding into town? And it’s a woman! In a western?

Yessir, it is. Not only that but she is played by Gillian Anderson (in full ice mode, despite the dust) and is clearly trouble. Not only that, but there is a second woman about to go toe-to-toe with her and do battle for the town’s soul over the eight episodes that comprise The Abandons, the latest venture from Sons of Anarchy’s Kurt Sutter. Its joint lead is Lena Headey as Fiona Nolan, a devout Irish Catholic woman who has gathered a misfit ragtag bunch of motley orphan crew outcasts about her and lives with this patchwork family in Jasper Hollow. Jasper Hollow, alas, is full of silver that Constance Van Ness (the local mine owner, played by Anderson) wishes to bring under her control to placate one of her investors.

She literally skips through a Christmas tree farm, serves food that looks like animal droppings and cooks a meal that Prince Harry hates. Assume the crash position before watching

In the top corner of the screen as With Love, Meghan: Holiday Celebration opens is its age rating: “U – no material likely to offend or harm.” This may be true in the traditional sense. But I would advise any viewers who are British, not in the acting profession and/or not married to the Duchess of Sussex to take as many anti-emetics as medically advisable, then assume the crash position.

We open with Meghan literally skipping through a Christmas tree farm. “Once a year you get to do the tree thing!” She then decorates it, which she loves because it allows you to “encapsulate your family’s story!”. She likes to position the baubles “so they find their light”. Once she has done that, it’s time to fill a 24-pocketed Advent calendar with – no, not chocolates, you fat English pleb, but “small gestures” and “little findings” for your children. “I’m writing notes that say ‘I love you because you are so kind!’ and ‘I love you because you are so brave!’” Do the children leave notes in return, I wonder? “Should we give up hope of the occasional Freddo here?” “Morning trans fats are the tradition to start, Mother.”