It was hard to communicate with my mother or father, until reading a book out loud led to a discovery

The novelist Ian McEwan has advocated for the extension of assisted dying to people with dementia, commenting on the deeply distressing experience of his own mother: “By the time my mother was well advanced and could not recognise anyone, she was dead. She was alive and dead all at once. It was a terrible thing. And the burden on those closest is also part of the radioactive damage of it all.”

My mother, Pamela, a journalist, died of vascular dementia 10 years ago. My father, the football journalist and novelist Brian Glanville, died of Parkinson’s last year after living with the illness for five years. He also had a milder form of dementia. “Radioactive damage” is certainly a vivid description of the impact of caring for someone living with a degenerative illness, but the perception that someone in the last stages of dementia may be “dead” feels wrong when I think of my parents. How are you to know what is happening in someone else’s brain?