There I was, lying in bed and worrying I’d lost a basic life skill. Can you blame me for putting it to the test?

When I was in the first year at middle school, in Miss Hale’s class, my parents returned from a parents’ evening looking disappointed. My nine-year-old self picked up on this. It wasn’t my schoolwork: that was OK. It was that the teacher had revealed that in PE I was the only one in the class who couldn’t do a forward roll.

This was true. It wasn’t that I was physically incapable – I was in the school football team and, without wishing to boast, probably the ninth-quickest runner. I just had this mental block. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The idea of the world momentarily going upside down was too much for me. The prospect of such disorientation was unbearable. If only Miss Hale had taken me to one side and said: “Look, you’re overthinking this – and, believe you me, if you let it, overthinking will blight your life.” But she didn’t, because teachers didn’t talk like that then (and probably don’t do so now, either).

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Why is the moral panic only ever about younger generations? It’s time we heard what confuses or worries them about us

Every generation looks at the next generation, and the one after that, with bafflement and concern. There’s probably a name for this phenomenon. That’s not to say we (the olds) aren’t right to be more worried than ever about what they (the young) are up to. There’s a lot for us to be worried about and confused about in equal measure. The TV drama Adolescence got at this. Even having had its emojis and red pills – and emojis of red pills – patiently explained to me, I remain concerned and confused. Mainly confused. It’s all decidedly mysterious – and not in a good, exciting way.

This intergenerational bewilderment seems only to work in one direction: down, rather than up. We flail around trying to make sense of what’s going on with the young. If you are young, this is relevant to you, too, because you will soon be feeling like this about those coming up behind you. What I want to know is what, if anything, baffles the young about the old. Do they get together to express despair and confusion at the conduct of the olds? Is there stroking of chins, scratching and shaking of heads, as they ask: “What’s going on with elderly people today? I can hardly understand a thing they’re saying. I don’t know what’s going to become of them, I’m sure.”