Imagine my shock when our three-year-old came home singing about … an NFL team. I blame the teachers

Parents, beware! If you send your impressionable young child to school in the US they are at risk of contracting a nasty case of the woke-mind virus. There’s a good chance a teacher will turn your kid trans and, in the middle of maths, whip out surgical equipment to perform gender-affirming surgery. We know this because – despite any evidence to back it up – our esteemed leader, Donald Trump, has said as much.

“Can you imagine you’re a parent and your son leaves the house and you say, ‘Jimmy, I love you so much. Go have a good day in school,’ and your son comes back with a brutal operation,” Trump said at a rally last year.

Arwa Mahdawi is a Guardian columnist