Earlier this year my four-year-old tried out an AI soft toy for a few days. New research indicates I was right to be creeped out

If you’re thinking about buying your kid a new-fangled AI-powered toy for the holidays, may I kindly suggest you don’t? I’m sure most Guardian readers would be horrified by the very idea anyway, but it’s going to be hard to avoid the things soon. The market is booming and, according to the MIT Technology Review, there are already more than 1,500 AI toy companies in China. With the likes of Mattel, which owns the Barbie brand, announcing a “strategic collaboration” with OpenAI, you can bet more of the uncanny objects will be in a department store near you soon.

Let me offer myself up as a cautionary tale for anyone who might be intrigued by the idea of a cuddly chatbot. Back in September I let my four-year-old use an AI-powered soft toy called Grem for a few days. Developed by a company called Curio in collaboration with the musician Grimes, it uses OpenAI’s technology to have personalised conversations and play interactive games with your child.

While the New York mayor-elect is constantly smiling in the face of his detractors, having a perma-grin didn’t come so easily to me

As a big fan of citizen science, I have spent the past month conducting a very important experiment. While I am not quite as hardcore as the American virologist Jonas Salk, who injected the polio vaccine into himself and his family before large-scale trials, this scientific inquiry has involved some personal pain. You see, I have spent the last month trying to smile like Zohran Mamdani. This is not, as I have discovered, an easy feat.

Ever since the incoming mayor of New York became a household name, I’ve been intrigued by his perma-smile. His detractors call him a “jihadist”, and he smiles. He meets Donald Trump, and he smiles. Some Republican lawmakers launch a campaign to investigate his path to citizenship and deport him? He keeps on smiling. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him look angry.