Presenter Ives was breezy, while Cook fronted everything like the last ceremonial horse of some dying cavalry unit

You know what they say. Never judge a pitch until both teams have batted really badly on it. You know what they say. Over here you bat long, bat hard, bat short, bat soft. You know what they say, the Ashes in Australia is all about a hybrid maverick production with a fan-first identity.

Given the brilliance of the basic entertainment on day one in Perth, it was easy to forget that England’s Baz-facing tourists aren’t the only setup with a brave new philosophy in play, out there disrupting the norms, and in need, above all, of a decent start.