We often peg our self-esteem on short-term goals and generic standards, advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith writes – but it’s what makes you you that others truly value

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I keep waiting to feel that I’m finally enough. I’ve worked hard, am in the process of changing careers to be more of service to others, gone to therapy. I go to the gym, eat the right food, have built things I’m proud of. And yet nothing sticks. Every time I hit a goal, there’s this tiny burst of pride, then it’s gone.

Lately, I’ve noticed how tangled this has become with how I see my body. I’ve been training and eating well for ages, but I still feel ashamed when I look in the mirror, as though I’ve failed some invisible test. People tell me I look great but it doesn’t land. There’s this constant hum of “not good enough” running underneath everything, no matter what I do.