• Updates from the title decider at AAMI Park

• Any thoughts? Get in touch with an email

Here come the two sides along the AAMI Park race. Victory all in navy blue, City in sky blue shirts and white shorts. The past ten minutes or so have contained an elaborate son et lumière, culminating in club legends Leigh Broxham and Jamie Maclaren placing the A-League championship toilet seat onto a plinth.

Tonight’s team of officials is led by A-League referee of the year Adam Kersey. George Lakrindis and Emma Kockek will run the lines, Shaun Evans will bear the brunt of both coaches’ anger as the fourth official, with Lara Lee operating VAR.

Threat by Israel Katz comes as UN warns that the entire population of Gaza is at risk of famine

• Gaza is hungriest place on Earth, warns UN

The Times of Israel reports that today, a convoy of tractors that set out from kibbutzim across Israel has arrived at Hostages Square in Tel Aviv, calling for the return of hostages held in Gaza.

Organised by the Kibbutz Movement and the Hostages Families Forum, it marks more than 600 days since the hostages were taken by Hamas in October 2023.

Actor who found global fame as the stern head nurse ‘Hot Lips’ Houlihan in the television sitcom M*A*S*H

The American actor Loretta Swit, who has died aged 87, achieved worldwide fame as Margaret “Hot Lips” Houlihan, head nurse with a mobile army hospital during the Korean war, in the TV sitcom M*A*S*H. She appeared in all 11 series, from 1972 to 1983 – longer than the conflict that inspired it – taking over the role played by Sally Kellerman in the 1970 film.

Misogyny ran throughout the big-screen version of M*A*S*H in a way that was not present in the 1968 novel by Richard Hooker on which it was based.In the TV version, too, Major Houlihan, a strict disciplinarian, was the butt of sexist jokes from the surgeons and other men in the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital unit, particularly “Hawkeye” Pierce (played by Alan Alda). Swit – who had the only leading female role in the show – took a stand before the fifth series began. She was then allowed to contribute to her character’s development, making Houlihan more three-dimensional, warm and brave. “I am a feminist, from the top of my head to the bottom of my toenail, and I favour playing strong women,” she told the American magazine Closer Weekly in 2022.

• Updates from stage between Verrès to Sestrière

• Post your questions for Luke Rowe | Email Tom

139km to go. Dries De Bondt (Decathlon AG2R La Mondiale) eases away from the bunch to take this intermediate sprint. That looked like he had the blessing from Pedersen to go and take those points. De Bondt is a long way behind Pedersen in the points standings, with one more intermediate sprint to go.

140km to go. The break has 7mins 40secs on the peloton as we come up to the intermediate sprint.

Guitarist and singer who featured on Hang on Sloopy by the McCoys, and went on to collaborate with top artists including Bonnie Tyler and Steely Dan

As a member of the American band the McCoys, the guitarist, singer, songwriter and producer Rick Derringer, who has died aged 77, scored a US No 1 hit with the 1965 single Hang on Sloopy, which also made it to No 5 in the UK. Later he went on to record and perform with some of the most famous names in the music industry over a career spanning six decades.

Hang on Sloopy, with Derringer on vocals, was not the McCoys’ own song; written by Wes Farrell and Bert Berns, it had first been recorded the year before by the Los Angeles soul vocal group Vibrations, and had largely gone unnoticed, although it quickly became a favourite of US garage rock bands of the era. The McCoys’ version made the song popular across the world, and they went on to have a another Top 10 hit in the US with a cover of Fever, written by Eddie Cooley and John Davenport, and a Top 40 interpretation of Come on, Let’s Go, written by Ritchie Valens.

• Latest tennis updates from Roland Garros

• You can email John with thoughts on the action

The latest Roland Garros reporting from Tumaini Carayol.

The early starters: Paula Badosa and Daria Kasatkina – 1oth seed v 17th sees the Australian having won the first on Court Simonne-Mathieu. Mirra Andreeva, the teenager, is also taking part in her second round match, and the sixth seed took the first set from Yulia Putintseva. Both those matches with serve in the secodn set.

High above a Swiss mountain village, an American holidaymaker found herself enchanted …

It was the last day of Jennifer Newitt’s holiday in the Swiss Alps, and she and her husband were hankering after one more excursion before their flight home to the US. High above Wengen, the village they were staying in, they noticed the Grindelwald–Männlichen mountain gondola cableway. Despite pouring rain, sunshine was forecast for later in the day, so they decided to give it a go.

“The rain stopped shortly after we arrived at the small cable car station, and we began the 15-minute walk to the summit. Because of the conditions, we had the mountain to ourselves for a while. As we explored, we noticed this huge cow.”

As the administration continues to exploit antisemitism to arrest protesters and curb academic freedoms, more American Jews are saying ‘not in my name’

On the morning of Columbia University’s commencement last week, an intergenerational group of Jewish alumni gathered in the rain outside the Manhattan campus’s heavily policed gates, wearing keffiyehs and shirts emblazoned with the words “not in our name”. Two had graduated more than 60 years earlier, and one spoke of having fled the Nazis to the US as a child. Others recalled participating in Columbia protests of the past, including those that led the university to divest from apartheid South Africa.

They spoke as alumni and as Jews to condemn the university’s investments in Israel, its repression of pro-Palestinian speech, and its capitulation to the Trump administration’s assault on academic freedom in the name of fighting antisemitism on campus. They had planned to burn their Columbia diplomas in protest, but the rain got in their way, so many ripped them to pieces instead.

Tensions among the rock icon’s fanbase have spread to his home state of New Jersey

As the lead singer of a Bruce Springsteen cover band, Brad Hobicorn had been looking forward to performing at Riv’s Toms River Hub in New Jersey on Friday. Then came a text message from the bar’s owner, saying the gig was cancelled. Why? Because the real Bruce Springsteen had lambasted Donald Trump.

“He said to me his customer base is redder than red and he wishes Springsteen would just shut his mouth,” Hobicorn recalls by phone. “It was clear that this guy was getting caught up in that and didn’t want to lose business. The reality is we would have brought a huge crowd out there: new customers that are Springsteen fans that want to see a band locally.”

World’s most famous pop star has finally bought back rights to her master recordings, a win for her but also a potentially major win for the industry

It goes without saying, but Taylor Swift has scored a lot of victories in the past few years. There was, first and foremost, the blockbuster Eras Tour, which became the bestselling concert tour of all time and a certifiable cultural era in itself. She released the bestselling concert film of all time, with a distribution model that upended the theatrical market. There was yet another album of the year Grammy. She turned the Super Bowl into the ultimate rom-com. Even with mediocre critical reviews, her most recent album, The Tortured Poets Department, set more streaming records than I can count.

All of these were beyond impressive, if at times threatening overexposure and annoyingly at odds with her self-styled narrative as an underdog – the emotionally astute lyricist battling against a sliding scale of villains, from careless boys, bitchy girls and heartbreak to gossip, criticism and misogynistic double standards. Often, the targets are petty; I never want to hear a Kim Kardashian reference again. But on Friday, with the announcement that she purchased the master recordings of her first six albums, Swift notched arguably the most significant victory of her career, over the one remaining foe worthy of her stature: the artist-devaluing practices of the music industry.

My journalistic cap slipped slightly but the feeling I have seeing the team I adore lift the Champions League is indescribable

I can’t type the words. Sophie Downey’s stopwatch, started the moment the clock hit 90 minutes, is running on the desk next to me, but my fingers won’t move. I refuse to write a variation of “Arsenal are European champions” with time still on the clock because the thought of having to press that backspace key and delete it is too much. The editors will have to wait; I’ll start writing the intro paragraph when there’s one minute 30 seconds of the seven minutes of stoppage time to go, but gingerly, agonisingly – even that feels too soon.

I believe, I really do, but what if? And then I’m too busy sobbing into my hands to finish or press send. The narratives, there are so many narratives: Renée Slegers, the former academy player head coach with the retro Arsenal ring on her little finger who was made permanent manager only four months ago; Leah Williamson’s journey from being a mascot at a European Cup final to playing in one; Chloe Kelly’s salvaged season; Beth Mead’s emotional turmoil; Mariona Caldentey making it three in a row after winning the past two with the now vanquished Barcelona; Kim Alison Little. Where to start? Where to end?

A study suggests the global population has been undercounted – but we shouldn’t let the overpopulation alarmists win the argument

According to the UN, the world’s population stands at just over 8.2 billion. However, a recent study suggests the figure could be hundreds of millions or even billions higher. This news might sound terrifying, but it is important to remember that anxieties about overpopulation are rarely just about the numbers. They reflect power struggles over which lives matter, who is a burden or a threat and ultimately what the future should look like.

The world’s population reached 1 billion just after the turn of the 19th century. The number of people on the planet then began to grow exponentially, doubling to 2 billion by about 1925 and again to 4 billion about 50 years later. On 15 November 2022, the UN announced the birth of the eight billionth human.

Jonathan Kennedy teaches politics and global health at Queen Mary University of London, and is the author of Pathogenesis: How Germs Made History

Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? If you would like to submit a response of up to 300 words by email to be considered for publication in our letters section, please click here.

Once rivalling film premieres for theatrics, could Smyths’ revival of the midnight launch tap into a desire for shared real-world experience?

There was a time when certain shops would resemble nightclubs at about midnight: a long queue of excitable people, some of them perhaps too young to be out that late, discussing the excitement that awaits inside.

The sight of throngs of gamers looking to get their hands on the latest hardware when the clock strikes 12 is growing increasingly rare. But if you happen to walk by a Smyths toy shop at midnight on 4 June, you may encounter a blast from the past: excitable people, most in their teens or 20s, possibly discussing Mario Kart.

The actor on the terror of working in Boots aged 15, her Liam Neeson obsession and Zooming in her knickers

Born in London, Stephanie Beacham, 78, studied mime in Paris and went to Rada. In 1971, she appeared opposite Marlon Brando in The Nightcomers and then made Hammer horror films. During the 80s she starred as Sable Colby in Dynasty and The Colbys. She has appeared on stage at the National Theatre and for the RSC; her other TV work includes Tenko, Sister Kate – for which she earned a Golden Globe nomination – and Coronation Street. She plays the lead in the film Grey Matter, which is streaming now. She has two daughters and lives with her partner in Cornwall and London.

What is your greatest fear?
Becoming deaf and blind, which is what happened to my father.

Google searches for Speedos are up 41% in the UK, and some high street shorts now come with 3in in-seams

Recent victims of shrinkflation have included butter, mouthwash and teabags. The next casualty? Men’s shorts.

In-seams are rising with retailers reporting a surge in interest for short shorts featuring a 5in and even 3in inside leg measurement. Now the trend is having a knock-on effect on swimwear. This week, GQ magazine posed the question: “Are Straight Guys Ready for Speedo Summer?”

• All the buildup to the Munich final

• Jonathan Liew: PSG v Inter is clash of styles on and off pitch

• You can email Barry | Kick-off is at 8pm BST

Inter: Simone Inzaghi’s talent-packed team will be underdogs against PSG but believe they have learned from 2023 agony, writes Nicky Bandini.

Ousmane Dembele: “This has been a dream of mine since I was a child,” said the PSG striker, whose form this season has been revelatory. “I am very concentrated. This will be an unforgettable moment. I just hope tomorrow will be history in the making. Tomorrow will be a tense game. We know Paris will be vibrating with excitement. You need to keep a cool head. We are very excited but, as has been mentioned, we need to be calm, cool, collected, serious but smiling, because this is an incredible moment for us.”

The man ‘pushed and pulled’ the ancient clay warriors and damaged them to varying degrees, said authorities

A domestic tourist climbed over a fence and jumped into a section of the world-famous display of China’s terracotta army, damaging two ancient clay warriors, authorities said on Saturday.

The 30-year-old was visiting the museum housing the terracotta army in the city of Xi’an on Friday when he “climbed over the guardrail and the protective net and jumped”, public security officials said in a statement.

As a small press launches dedicated to new male fiction, authors including Anne Enright and Nikesh Shukla ask if men are really being pushed out of publishing

Jude Cook, author and publisher of Conduit Books
In Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray, the languid Lord Henry announces: “There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”

I’m not so sure. During the days after the announcement of my new small press, Conduit Books, the conversation about the balance and representation of women and men in publishing roared back into life. The reason was that, initially at least, Conduit Books will publish literary fiction and memoir by male authors; a modest attempt to address the relatively recent scarcity of young or new male writers in the small world of UK fiction.

Dissatisfaction among MPs has created a febrile mood, with ambitious cabinet ministers assessing their options

A lesson in comms for any prime minister: when asked whether you will serve another term, try to express some enthusiasm at the prospect.

When at the end of his first term, David Cameron breezily told a reporter he would not serve a third, he inadvertently fired the starting gun for leadership jostling between his potential successors. Keir Starmer fell into the same trap this month when he was asked whether he would fight the next election. “You’re getting way ahead of me,” he said.

Intrigued by the possibility of big savings amid cost-of-living pressures, Tom Duggins rallies neighbours for a communal shop

Most people would jump at the chance to save up to 40% – and more in some cases – on their food shopping each week.

Yet if it meant discarding speed and convenience in favour of old-fashioned ideas such as knocking on doors and collaborating with the neighbours, would that enthusiasm remain?

• Blues 46-6 Waratahs

• NSW finals hopes crushed in seven-try drubbing

The NSW Waratahs’ season of promise has ended in despair with an ugly, record-breaking 46-6 Super Rugby Pacific loss to the Blues in Auckland.

The Waratahs needed to defeat the defending champions for the first time at Eden Park in 16 years to keep their finals hopes alive. Instead, Dan McKellar’s depleted side copped a seven-tries-to-nil drubbing at New Zealand rugby’s burial ground on Saturday.

Sarah Roberts is a grandmother and global record holder but only took it up after a parkrun eight years ago

Along a sun-dappled canal towpath in picturesque Hertfordshire countryside, a grey-brown bob rises and falls with the effortless bounce of a lithe, spectacled figure gliding her way past dog-walkers and afternoon ramblers.

There is a watch – one of those smart-technology devices capable of producing all sorts of unnecessary metrics – on Sarah Roberts’s wrist, but she has forgotten to switch it on. Roberts, a grandmother of five, tends not to take note of such things.

The first piece of mini-transfer window business is a significant moment for Fifa’s Gianni Infantino and his heinous creation

Hmm. Ten million pounds. What does that work out to in booing, and boo-deletion? What’s the exchange rate here? How much un-booing does £10m get you, in a highly emotive run‑your‑contract-down local‑lad‑departure scenario?

This and many more equally strange questions will presumably have to be debated now Real Madrid have agreed a small but significant early release payment for Trent Alexander-Arnold, which will in turn allow his participation at the most heinous footballing entity yet devised, the new Fifa Club World Cup.

Team principal has turned Williams around in a short space of time and is looking to 2026 for a serious title charge

Finding themselves fighting off Ferrari and mauling the midfield, these are heady times for a resurgent Williams. The team principal James Vowles has engineered an extraordinary comeback but this year’s progress is likely to be just the start for a team determined to return to the heights of Formula One, which they once dominated.

That Williams’ form has changed drastically could not have been clearer than at the Miami GP. Alex Albon and Carlos Sainz were in a fight with the Ferraris of Lewis Hamilton and Charles Leclerc, the Scuderia finding themselves at one point trying to catch Albon, who took fifth place and at the same time fending off a charging Sainz.

Can you hold a 60-second plank? How about tying your shoelace in mid-air? Here’s how to test your fitness in every decade of life

When Baz Luhrmann called the body “the greatest instrument you’ll ever own” in his 1997 song, Everybody’s Free (to Wear Sunscreen), he was on to something. Alongside a nutritious diet and good sleep, how fit we are is perhaps our greatest tool to live a long and healthy life. But what constitutes optimum physical fitness? According to David Vaux, osteopath and author of Stronger: 10 Exercises for a Longer, Healthier Life, it’s measured across different pillars of health, including cardiovascular fitness, flexibility, strength, mobility, stability and balance.

Research shows that those who do regular exercise are less likely to succumb to premature death, as well as reducing the risk of developing a number of diseases, including type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease and mental health disorders. But fitness is about much more than just warding off ill health. Being able to move functionally – whether that’s picking up our grandchildren, hauling boxes around or going on long hikes – is crucial to enjoying life and feeling energised, mobile and able to take care of ourselves into our later decades.

Almost half of young people would prefer a world without the internet. We are haunted by the feeling that it has robbed us of something vital

A video went viral on X a few months ago that I can’t stop watching. It’s 2003: the band that later becomes MGMT are performing their song Kids to their peers, years before they become a pop sensation, in a dusty quad at Wesleyan University, Connecticut. Social media doesn’t exist yet. There is something about the way people look and behave and inhabit the space that tugs at my heartstrings and fills me with nostalgia. No one is dressed that well; the camera zooms unsteadily to capture the crowd’s awkwardness, slumped shoulders and arrhythmic bopping. Beyond the footage we’re watching, no one seems to be filming.

I was only four when the video was filmed, so why does watching it make me feel as if I’ve lost a whole world? A recent survey suggests I’m not alone – that almost half of young people would prefer a world without the internet. If anything, I expected a higher percentage. This doesn’t mean my generation really would like to reverse everything that’s happened in the last few decades, but there’s clearly something we feel we’re missing out on that older people have had, and we attribute it to the internet – or at least to its current form, dominated as it is by social media.

Isabel Brooks is a freelance writer

Médecins Sans Frontières report sparks calls for Sudan’s warring parties to be held to account for rapes and attacks

As Sudan’s Darfur region has been overrun by militias, women are facing the constant threat of sexual violence, Médecins Sans Frontières (MSF) has reported.

The medical charity said in the South Darfur region alone its workers treated 659 sexual violence survivors between January and March this year, more than two-thirds of whom had been raped.

Bengali singer who has more Spotify followers than Taylor Swift to bring ‘sheer power’ to same London stage as Beyoncé

Sitting ahead of US pop megastars Olivia Rodrigo, Doechii and Gracie Abrams in the list of most-listened-to artists on Spotify around the world each month – and just one place behind Harry Styles – is a man that most British listeners have probably never heard of: the Bengali artist Arijit Singh.

He has never had a song in the UK Top 100 singles or albums charts, yet thanks to a passionate fan base in the Indian diaspora, he is to become the first Indian musician to play a UK stadium concert.

It took a viewing of the 2018 film Beautiful Boy, about a father and his addict son, for me to see that my relationship had become damagingly codependent

Two summers ago, I met a man on a dating app who would become my boyfriend. The red flags were there from the start, but I ignored them all. When I stayed at his, he didn’t have a towel to offer me, and he never changed his sheets. It became obvious that he didn’t know how to look after himself. Even though, in reality, he could survive without me (similar to how a teenage boy would survive on his own, eating burgers in bed), I felt like, if I wasn’t there to buy groceries, cook and clean, he might die. He would disappear for days, on a drink- or drugs-fuelled bender, and I’d assume he’d overdosed in a basement somewhere. I lived in fear that something terrible would happen to him. I became his boyfriend and his caregiver.

This was a familiar role for me: I’d done it in all my previous relationships. I needed to be needed. If the person I was dating didn’t need me, then what value did I have? I found safety in taking care of someone. This started as a family dynamic: as the eldest child, I had to look out for my younger brothers, and learned to overlook my own needs. Then, when I was 14, my girlfriend died in a drug-related car accident. My therapist helped me to see the connection; that because I couldn’t save her, I sought romantic relationships with men or women I thought I could save instead.

From Tim Martin’s pubs and Wardle and Makin’s shops to a computer glitch and minor illness, test your knowledge with the Saturday quiz

1 Who opened a Fossil Depot in Lyme Regis in 1826?
2 Which galaxy is on a collision course with the Milky Way?
3 Which creatures make up a fifth of all mammal species?
4 Which sci-fi writer was the first person in Europe to buy a Mac computer?
5 What machine gun was named after a Czech city and London suburb?
6 At 410 miles, what is the UK’s longest road?
7 Which band did Quincy Jones call “the worst musicians in the world”?
8 Notker the Stammerer was an early biographer of which emperor?
What links:
9 Derwent, Derbyshire in 1944; Capel Celyn, Gwynedd in 1965?
10 Observatory Circle resident; reclusive New Hampshire author; Tim Martin’s pubs; Wardle and Makin’s shops?
11 Mijaín López (5); Vincent Hancock, Katie Ledecky, Carl Lewis and Michael Phelps (4)?
12 Cassandra in Troy; Martha Mitchell in Washington DC?
13 Annoy; computer glitch; minor illness; small insect; spying device?
14 Behind the Candelabra; Green Book, Impromptu; Ray; Rocketman; Shine?
15 French butterfly; German chess knight; H2O; Pulp singer; Restoration monarch?

It’s easy to forget the Hollywood star is also an Oscar-nominated writer and highly subtle actor. He’s perfect in this gentle, humane tale of a washed-up sportsman trying to regain his mojo as a mentor

Golf is – apologies to fans, the ground is gonna get a little rough – inert material for TV and film. It’s not explosively combative like say football, either American or actual. In golf, players interact with the environment, not each other. There is no time pressure. Physical adjustments are minute, the airborne ball impossible to see. For casual spectators, the experience mostly amounts to watching a middle-aged man shuffle above a tiny ball, like an emperor penguin sitting on an egg. The sound of even a world-beating putt is a soft plop.

However, a lack of basic knowledge brought me late to Friday Night Lights, a show that became one of my favourites. I’d like to avoid making that mistake with Stick (Apple TV+, from Wednesday 4 June), so let’s see. Wisely, the show isn’t aiming at FNL’s grit and spunk, blue-collar catharsis. Stick is funny, in a gentle, humane way. Clearly, Apple+ is attempting to hit its own marker again, the one with “Ted Lasso” written on it in gold.

Ireland’s west coast is home to a flourishing live music scene, with the pubs and music festivals attracting world-class players

A hilly lane curves round Bunratty Castle. Through an open window, I hear a harpist plucking notes at a banquet drifting as the sun sets low over the battlements. On the other side of the lane, smoke drifts from Durty Nelly’s pub, where a singer is halfway through The Parting Glass. A short walk away, the limestone facade of the Creamery hints at its past lives – as a stagecoach stop, a dairy, a roadside inn. Tonight, it’s a pub.

Inside, Bríd O’Gorman plays the fluttering melody of The Cliffs of Moher on her flute, accompanied by Michael Landers on guitar – a quiet moment before the small crowd erupt into applause as Cian Lally pulls our pints. Just 10 minutes from Shannon airport, Bunratty village sits in the south-eastern corner of Ireland’s most musical county. Along the bar, visitors from the US and France lean in, quietly captivated – likely having their first experience of an Irish music session.

Need something brilliant to read this weekend? Here are six of our favourite pieces from the last seven days

The ban, enforced from Sunday, is designed to reduce youth vaping and tackle environmental damage

Vapers have been warned not to stockpile soon-to-be-banned disposables before Sunday’s outright ban as they “pose a significant fire risk”.

The Local Government Association (LGA) said users were stocking up on single-use e-cigarettes while they could, as shops would face fines for selling them after the ban takes effect.

US president presents top ally with golden key as Musk says Doge unit ‘will only grow stronger over time’

Donald Trump saw Elon Musk off from the White House on Friday, as the Tesla chief concluded his more than four months leading the so-called department of government efficiency’s disruptive foray into federal departments that achieved far fewer cost savings than expected.

Standing alongside Trump in the Oval Office, Musk, who faced a 130-day limit in his tenure as a special government employee that had ended two days prior, vowed that his departure “is not the end” of Doge.

Remains dating back to late 18th century are being repatriated and interred, with commemoration and jazz funeral

In the late 1800s, 19 Black New Orleanians’ heads were dismembered and shipped to Leipzig University in Germany for research. The 19 had died at New Orleans’ charity hospital between 1871 and 1872, and the research, which was commonplace at the time, sought to confirm and explore the now widely debunked theory that Black people’s brains were smaller than those of other races.

In the 1880s, Dr Henry D Schmidt, a New Orleans physician, sent the skulls to Dr Emil Ludwig Schmidt. They were taken from the bodies of 13 men, four women and two unidentified people.

California parole board says 77-year-old – the state’s longest-serving female inmate – poses little risk of reoffending

A California prisons panel has recommended that Patricia Krenwinkel, serving a life sentence for her role in the 1969 Los Angeles killing spree by followers of cult leader Charles Manson, be released on parole.

The state Board of Parole Hearings found that Krenwinkel, 77 – the longest-serving female inmate in California prisons – posed little risk of reoffending based on her age and a spotless behaviour record while incarcerated, according to the CBS News affiliate in San Diego, KFMP-TV.

Almost 25 years after an experiment was ditched to caution rather than arrest those carrying small amounts of the drug, a rethink is on the cards – but the British government remains cautious

The last time London dabbled in decriminalising cannabis, it brought one part of the capital to a brief but giddy high. In 2001, an enterprising Scotland Yard borough commander empowered his officers in Lambeth to caution rather than arrest those carrying small amounts of the drug for personal use – freeing them, according to the scheme’s proponents, to concentrate on more serious crimes.

The softly-softly approach was controversial in some political and policing quarters, but wildly popular in the borough – and some of its results were dramatic. Over six months, more than 2,500 hours of police officers’ time were saved on processing cannabis arrests, while arrests for dealing class A drugs rose by almost a fifth.

My wife wants me to cut the grass right away. I hate having my working day interrupted, even when I’m not actually doing any work

I am sitting in my office shed, marvelling that an email from a car hire company I last used six years ago feels entitled to employ the subject line DROP EVERYTHING.

“It’s hard to imagine,” I say, “how a 20% reduction in rental rates for the month of June could be sufficient cause for anyone to suddenly abandon their present business, be it knee surgery, adoption proceedings or, in this specific case, Wordle.”